Guy on train: I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos.

Me: *turns up music*

Guy: I said I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos!

Me: *takes off headphones* Leave. Me. Alone.

Guy: Why the fuck do you have so many tattoos?

Me:

Guy: Are you fucking deaf as well as a piece of trash?

Lady by door: Hey. Leave her alone.

Guy: Are you her trash girlfriend? Fucking dykes, all tattooed like fucking men. Disgusting waste of pussy.

Lady: *moves forward, carefully moves jacket so only I can see the badge on her belt* Are you okay?

Me: Fine. Just wish he'd go away.

Lady cop: I can make that happen.

Guy: Oh, yeah, bitch? Who the fuck are you? I'll kill you!

Lady cop: And that's what I was waiting for. *grabs guy, holds him against the door* Harassing women on the train was enough, but you just threatened a cop. You're battin' a thousand tonight.

Entire train: *applauds*